It was a clear case of house hunting fever. Interest rates were at an all time low and many homes were selling at give away prices. I sincerely believed that we could and should buy a house NOW. Not that we needed a new home necessarily. After all, we have shelter. However our current residence tends to feel more like a vacation rental than a permanent home. In fact I have lovingly dubbed this place my cardboard house.
Truth be told, I am quite envious of those who have pretty homes which are beautifully and perfectly decorated. In comparison, my home looks more like a collection of yard sale and Goodwill pieces thrown together in haphazard manner. Not one room pulls together in a Better Homes and Gardens sort of way, and I can’t seem to get my husband to understand my need and desire for such an effect.
And so it was that the fever drove me into real estate frenzy. “We’re just exploring” I told my realtor friend. But then, true love happened. Two of the homes stood up and called me by name. One was in a well established old town neighborhood exactly where we’ve always wanted to live. It was an older home that had been completely redone on the inside. The other love of my life was a newer home in a nice neighborhood. Everything about it was wonderful. In fact, both of them were wonderful but realistically out of our price range and just beyond our reach.
When I asked Father about it, I felt like he gave me the option to choose. I could choose to be still and quiet myself over the matter and allow Him to bring to me something “amazing”, or I could go ahead and search for and buy the house of my choosing. Either way He promised that I would live a happy, God filled life. Regardless of my choice, He would walk and talk with me and guide me through it all. It was my choice… and it would not be sin for me. However, choosing on my own would mean that I would miss out on and never know the amazing thing God had in store for me.
Now what? Should I wait (who knows how long) for God’s amazing thing or should I choose for myself knowing that I will still retain God’s presence and favor? Do I have what it takes to wait for the amazing thing?
This sounded a lot like Sarah being told that as an old woman she would have a son. She laughed…quite sarcastically I imagine. “Yeah, right….that makes sense at my age”. But apparently she did believe it for a while…then messed everything up when she tried to fix it herself.
The debate was on. If I chose to wait for the amazing thing, would I be like Sarah and mess things up because of the weariness of waiting? My life is a clear testimony that I have that gift of messing things up.
What a choice. What a responsibility. What a decision!
In the end I chose to wait and I am still waiting today. Deep within my soul, just once, I want to see the amazing unfold in my life. It occurred to me that I was choosing between amazing and adequate, and there is a vast difference between the two. According to Webster’s, amazing is defined as a great wonder or surprise. Adequate is defined as being sufficient or satisfactory. Weighing the difference made the choosing easier.
It will be a great test of strength and faith for me to wait for the wonder. In these situations I’m no better than a child on Christmas Eve. Dare I even dream about what might be coming my way?
So what is perfect for me now? Who knows? I have my own ideas but choosing to wait on God means that I must be still while He does the work. My friend Becky wrote a song that describes her heart as standing on tiptoe to see what God is doing. It provides a near perfect description of how I feel right now. Only I’m not standing - I’m jumping… unable to contain myself for one more minute! However, I’m really too old to be jumping around on my tiptoes and my feet and legs are starting to hurt. Maybe I’ll just head to the front porch and swing away my jumpies. No, that’s not going to work either. Pardon me while I talk to Daddy…..
Father, I’m feeling kind of jumpy about my choice to wait. So if it’s allright with You, I need to snuggle up close and trust that you have indeed spoken to me. I’d like to point out to You that interest rates are going up again, but with everything in me I will wait. But please, please….can it not be too far off? The anticipation is killing me!
Okay, I’m back. Still waiting and still a little on the jumpy side. But I truly believe that this is one time in my life where the anticipation will equal the gift. Amazing indeed.
The Challenge
* What do you think about the possibility that God allows us to make choices and that sometimes, He is perfectly fine with whatever we choose?
* What would you be willing to risk to see the amazing thing unfold in your life?
* Pretend for a moment that you are now 80 years old. What story do you want your 80 year old self to be telling about this season of your life?
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The challenge question: What would you be willing to risk to see the amazing thing unfold in your life?
ReplyDeleteThe answer:
Almost six years ago, I was diagnosed with what would be the first of five separate cancer diagnoses. I was told that the surgery would be very risky and that there was more than a 50% chance I would die on the table. Having been a control freak my entire life, I met with a surgeon and asked him to perform the surgery under a local anesthetic so that I would be awake. To say that I made quite a first impression on him would be an understatement (or what I like to call "loperbole"). He looked at me in abject horror, and I felt I owed him an explanation. I told him it was similar to how I felt about old fashion scales with the ascending arrow compared to the newer digital "in your face immediately" scales. . . I liked to see the bad news coming! Perhaps it was because he was male that he did not relate. The answer was a resounding "NO!"
To prepare for that surgery (mentally) I had to give up the one thing I felt contributed to my well-being: control. Yes, all of my life I believed that my control, my well-planned and over thought out analysis of every little thing, was what made my life a good one. But control was not a choice in this new venture, and that left me one viable option only. I had to turn this over to God, put the control in His hands, and just show up in faith.
Giving up control was a major risk for me, or so I thought. And discovering the amazing things God would present in my life wasn't even an option because it never occurred to me that would be a by-product of relinquishing control. So imagine my surprise as miracle after miracle unfolded in ways I never imagined or prepared for.
At first, releasing control felt like a loss. But trusting in God turned out to be "a gain"--and one that didn't affect the metaphorical OR realistic scales of my life! So, Carolyn, I would say wait, wait with hopeful expectation and resolute assurance that whatever God is preparing for you will surpass any ideal you may have imagined within the pages of Better Homes and Gardens.
Don't take my word for it. Take His.